The BIFF Method — Brief, Informative, Friendly, Firm
The BIFF method (Brief, Informative, Friendly, Firm), developed by Bill Eddy of the High Conflict Institute, is a four-part formula for replying to hostile or high-conflict messages: keep it brief (2–5 sentences), informative (facts only, no opinions), friendly (a neutral, courteous tone), and firm (it ends the conversation rather than inviting a rebuttal).
The 4 parts of a BIFF response
- Brief — 2 to 5 sentences. Length signals engagement; engagement invites escalation.
- Informative — plain facts: dates, times, logistics. No adjectives, no history lessons.
- Friendly — one courteous beat ("Thanks for the update") that reads well to a judge.
- Firm — close the loop. No questions unless you need an answer; no openings for round two.
Example
Hostile: "You ALWAYS keep the kids late because you only think about yourself."
BIFF reply: "Thanks for your message. Per the schedule, drop-off is 6pm today, and I'll have them there at 6pm. See you then."
FAQ
Why does BIFF hold up in court? Because contemporaneous, courteous, factual messages make the record argue for you. The reply isn't for them — it's for the file.
Where can I get pre-written BIFF replies? The Data Over Drama™ Response Pack is a library of court-safe BIFF templates for the most common high-conflict messages. Pair with the custody documentation tracker so every exchange lands in the record.
An educational resource, not legal advice. BIFF® is a method of the High Conflict Institute. · Smart Girl Era™